E-Relationships scrutinized

Hmm... ok. Let's take stock of the situation first. It's close to 6 AM (Indian Standard Time) on a Monday morning (which reminds me that office is just hours away! Damn!). I am kind of hungover - I had passed out last night after gurgling down about 3 and a half litres of beer! And I am definitely in the mood to write...
Ok.. situation analyzed. Hmm.. Seems pretty ok and valid to talk about what I started to write about in the first place (Pardon me slur mates-like I said I'm kinda hungover). Ok... I will let my philosophical alter-ego take over now..

Everything, they say, has a beginning, and a definite end. Why, some even say that the only permanent thing is "death". The only exception to this would be the Creator himself, who is infinite. Besides that, everything starts, and one day, ends. And relationships are no different. So, it is by virtue of "inheritance" (this is something which the computer geeks will understand!) that e-relationships share the same fate as their parent class: relationships.

Now, you might be wondering what exactly is an e-relationship. Let me try and give you a broad overview. But, on second thoughts, I don't think that would be necessary. Because if you're on this page in the big wide cyberspace, then you're pretty familiar with the internet, and with e-mail too. And if you can distinguish between "e-mail" and (normal)"mail", then you can very well use your imagination and figure out what "e-relationship" is, can't you? There, there... do I see the "light" beaming down on you? Well, congratulations!

I've been analyzing the relationship cycle for quite sometime now, and I'm sure that at some point or the other, we all have done the same. Contrary to popular belief, I'd say that e-relationships begin with the phase of "target selection". Orkut would be a great example for me to illustrate. You login, do a search, looking for "single" "females" "in-and-around" your city of residence (Sigh! Nobody believes in long-distance, do they?) . Well, just because I said search for "females" does not mean that only males do the hunting. Women also do their bit of searching, but the key-words would be modified... for example, the search would be something like,
Status = I don't care
Money = AMAP (As Much As Possible)
Children = Hell no!
etc, etc. Ladies, ladies... I'll give you my postal address. Please feel free to direct your bombs/contract killers there, because there's more to come.

Once the "target selection" phase is complete and the "target" is selected, then the next phase begins. This phase is what we usually call, the "wooing" period. Where the "hunter" goes to undecent and sometimes inhuman lengths to woo the "target". In Orkut, you'd typically start with a scrap, such as "Is your father a terrorist? Cos you're a bomb!" (note bomb in bold). Obviously this is how a guy would start. If the female is stupid enough to respond to such initiatives, then vola! You got the wheels moving boy! Congratulations again! (This is a feel-good post - two congratulations down and I bet you want more!). Ladies would be obviously demure, initiating the conversation with "Hi..." (I don't know - never had a female taking the first step with me). They'd want to appear good, because there's so much at stake!

The wheels are moving now... Phase two is still on. Email ID's are exchanged, people added to messenger lists, IM's go on in full swing. The aim: impress as much as possible with intelligent, smart and funny posts. Finally, gather guts to move to phase three.

Phase three would be to get down to reality. Get phone number, arrange a date. Then it's back to the normal relationship stuff, really. For reference, watch the movie called "Hitch" (This advise is free of cost).

Then on, the e-relationship is over, the real thing takes over. Like I was supposed to let my philosophical alter-ego take over, but somehow my humorous side just creeped in. Well, at least it's humorous to me!

But, the bottomline is, relationships do end. Like how our e-relationship ended, and was taken over by the real world of real people, of real relationships, of real hearts, and of real feelings. Anyways, the cycle continues. And as I speak (and as you finish reading this piece), people have already begun on phase one. What are you waiting for?

The author was hungover at the time of writing. And hopefully, the words are his own. No intentions have been made to disgrace any race or sex. And about the author's postal address, forget it!